So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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