The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize