Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
