During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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