PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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