Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize