She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
