Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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