Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize