and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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