This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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