dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
