I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
