Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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