I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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