No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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