He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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