so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
