I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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