Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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