4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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