Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My vagina is very pro this idea
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