Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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