last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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