I am puke
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
