Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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