I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
