Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize