Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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