from now on my penis is your penis
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You don't make any sense
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