Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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