she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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