the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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