I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
