weddingsv make me drug and hornr
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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