3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
