Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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