I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
