Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
