He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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