I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
