I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
