12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
