is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
