I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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