I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
