I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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