Kiss
Puke
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
