There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
whose parrot is this?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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