a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
