The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
