After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
