Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
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I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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