Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
