I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
