WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
