And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
