i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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