you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
