I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
