I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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