my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
