Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
