Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
