An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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