Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
