This girl is more easily done than said...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this beer tastes like vomit already
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
how does that bad decision feel?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
