I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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