I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
