you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
