On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
