i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
