My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
