i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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