Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can't put those talents on a resume
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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