there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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