every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
