drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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