her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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