The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
