Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
