and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize