Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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