What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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