Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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