My liver just broke up with me...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
