Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
