so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
