ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
