I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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