He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
