guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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