you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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