Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
