i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
