When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
