Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
