That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
