The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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