Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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