Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
