So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize