is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
zippers are such a cool invention
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
