I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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