oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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