I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize