ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
