i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
