): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I enjoy the company of your penis
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
