Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
